you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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