I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
