In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
