I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
