I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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