The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
