We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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