She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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