I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
