yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
