they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
