I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
