My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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