I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
