Swine flu. Run for my life!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
this just has baby written all over it
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just forgot I was standing up.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
