is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
