I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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