i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
