halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I am midnight drunk by noon
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Did I show you my penis last night?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
