your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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