no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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