i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
