do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize