I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
