Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
