there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
it glows. i had to have it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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