Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
