My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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