:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
