obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
