regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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