I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
