So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Randomize
