I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize