I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You're like the curious george of whores
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
