Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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