good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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