I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
