Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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