she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
