It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
