We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
