he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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