went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
