i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
