How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
