It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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