It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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