They should really pass out barf bags in church
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
