Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
