i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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