we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Ladies don't puke and tell
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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