Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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