My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
