I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
