my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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