Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
