I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
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