You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
