3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It's just like the Real World with babies
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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