Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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