I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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