actually, I'm a sock model
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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