Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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