I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
