Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's never too late to be topless.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
