I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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