I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
