I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
