i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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