It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Randomize
