Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
