I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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