that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
