Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
