Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
