I think im going to throw up on grandma
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
