Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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