Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
