Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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