when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
