I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
