I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
