the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We're too hungover to prance.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
