When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
