she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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