Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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