i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
